One month In

We are finally through week four, after some hard graft and many emails sent forth into the dating wilderness. So far not a great deal has happened on the dating scene.

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I have had a few messages but nothing to write home about and none have led on to any dates yet, but as the nights draw in and the weather cools we might get a few more profiles added and my chances of meeting someone could increase.

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The current email chain has gone quiet but it might have just been a busy day for the both of us.
My day has consisted of, fixing a friends car in the morning then a BBQ round another friends house to celebrate his birthday.
Whilst at my friends BBQ I met these two stunning birds, they even enjoyed me stroking their breasts and feet.

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What? you thought… what a dirty mind you have, you should be ashamed of yourself.

It’s only a short blog tonight as I have need of some sleep, but I will say a quick Hello to my new followers, and a Thank You to all my followers, old and new.

If you like this blog then tell your friends and remember to follow my twitter account to find out the latest dating news.

These could be the dates you are looking for

The messages are still on going, fantastic!
I have however been very busy helping a friend move house, so I have neglected my dating duties somewhat today, so I don’t have much more to tell you all at this point.

The Dark Side of dating seems to have Forced a few people to follow this blog, which is very nice, but what about the good side of the force we need something to balance it or the galaxy could fall into chaos, so here are three hero profiles.

USERNAME: x_Chewie_x

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PERSONAL STATEMENT:

I am writing this on behalf of my friend Chewbacca who is affectionately known to his friends as Chewie.

He’s my best pal and we have traveled far and wide together for many years aboard the Millennium Falcon.
This has given me a great insight into the guy, he is funny, intelligent, caring, very loyal (gotten me out of a few scrapes with the Empire I can tell you).
My friend would make an excellent companion for any would be Wookiees on here!

So what are you waiting for, you better snap him up before he’s gone.

MY APPEARANCE:
BODY TYPE: Athletic
HAIR: All over and brown
EYES: Blue

MY VALUES:
RELIGION: Spiritual but not religious
I THINK MARRIAGE IS: Important
DO I WANT CHILDREN? Not Sure
DIET: I eat everything

MY PROFILE:
MY PERSONALITY: Reliable
BIRTH PLANET: Kashyyyk
I LIVE: It’s complicated
ROMANCE: Romantic
MY PETS: None
EDUCATION: Associates degree
OTHER LANGUAGES: Xaczik, Thykarann

INTERESTS:
ENTERTAINMENT: Spending time with my family, Evening with friends, Reading, Holographic Chess
INTERESTS: Do-it-yourself, museums/exhibits, the outdoors
MY TASTE IN MUSIC: Varied
MY FAVOURITE FILMS: Harry and the Henderson’s

ABOUT MY DATE:
HER AGE SHOULD BE: 175 – 205
HER RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Never Married



USERNAME:
No1Princess

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PERSONAL STATEMENT:

I am a happy outgoing person, loyal, friendly and enjoy good company and conversation.
I have a dark sense of humour and am honest sometimes a little too much!
I have been known for laughing at inappropriate moments.

Looking for an older cheeky chap, that’s not afraid of my royal heritage.

Leia x.

MY APPEARANCE:
BODY TYPE: Slim
HAIR: Long Brown
EYES: Brown

MY VALUES:
I THINK MARRIAGE IS: Very Important
DO I WANT CHILDREN? Yes
DIET: Vegetarian

MY PROFILE:
MY PERSONALITY: Confident
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Aries
BIRTH PLANET: Rather Not Say
I LIVE: Alone
ROMANCE: Romantic
MY PETS: None
EDUCATION: Masters
OTHER LANGUAGES: All Galactic Council Languages

INTERESTS:
ENTERTAINMENT: Books,
INTERESTS: Galactic Peace
MY TASTE IN MUSIC: Heavy metal, Rock, Trance
MY FAVOURITE FILMS: When harry met Sally

ABOUT MY DATE:
HIS AGE SHOULD BE: 35 – 45
HIS RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Never Married



USERNAME:
KickerOfArseIBe

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PERSONAL STATEMENT:

Friendship looking for I be, to share in life the finer things I am.
I have seen things many and great stories to tell I have.

Many sports played I have, game of bowls very partial I be, most games I win, advantage I have slight over others, having played game 700 years I have. Most think cheat I do, force I use not, no fun that be.

Grand Master still of the Jedi order I am.

Yoda I am x O x O x

MY APPEARANCE:
BODY TYPE: About average
HAIR: White, Balding
EYES: Brown

MY VALUES:
RELIGION: Jedi
I THINK MARRIAGE IS: Not important
DO I WANT CHILDREN? No
DIET: Vegan

MY PROFILE:
MY PERSONALITY: Helpful
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Tell you later
BIRTH PLANET: Tell you later
I LIVE: Alone
ROMANCE: Old Romantic
MY PETS: None
EDUCATION: Jedi Master
OTHER LANGUAGES: Tell you later

INTERESTS:
ENTERTAINMENT: Evening with friends, Cinema, Opera, Reading, Sporting events
INTERESTS: Gardening/landscaping, Dancing, Museums/exhibits, Cooking, Meeting friends
MY TASTE IN MUSIC: Clasical, Blues, Jazz, Country
MY FAVOURITE FILMS: Independant Cinema, western, cartoons

ABOUT MY DATE:
HER AGE SHOULD BE: 850 – 900
HER BODY TYPE: A few extra pounds

These are not the dates you are looking for

As you may have seen on my twitter feed I have had another message today, conversation has been lively with both parties asking questions, so it’s looking up.

Still early days yet, though so fingers crossed.

In the meantime, with all the hype surrounding the soon to be released Star Wars: Force Awakens I started wondering what it would be like if some of the characters from the Star Wars universe decided to try online dating. What might their profiles look like? Maybe something like this?

USERNAME: Jabby69

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PERSONAL STATEMENT:

My name is Jabba, but you may call me the Hutt.
I have a vast influence on local politics and like to see things done properly.
I believe in severely punishing peoples mistakes as this helps other people to learn very quickly.
I have my own palace, several slaves, a spaceport and a pod race track.

MY APPEARANCE:
BODY TYPE: Heavyset
HAIR: None
EYES: Orange

MY VALUES:
RELIGION: Buddhist
I THINK MARRIAGE IS: Not necessary
DO I WANT CHILDREN? Yes. With peppercorn sauce, preferably.
DIET: Live Foods

MY PROFILE:
MY PERSONALITY: Sensitive
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Taurus
BIRTH PLANET: Nal Hutta
I LIVE: With Roommate(s)
ROMANCE: Very Romantic
MY PETS: Leia (Former princess of Former planet Alderaan)
EDUCATION: PhD
OTHER LANGUAGES: Huttese, Jawaese, Galatic Basic, French

INTERESTS:
ENTERTAINMENT: Pod Racing, Lap Dancing, The Great Huttish Bake Off 
INTERESTS: Feeding the rancor
MY TASTE IN MUSIC: Live Bands
MY FAVOURITE FILMS: Star Wars Episode I – VI

ABOUT MY DATE:
HER AGE SHOULD BE: Young
HER RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Slave



USERNAME:
Count4theWin

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PERSONAL STATEMENT:

The name’s Dooku and you can “Count” on having a good time with me. I won’t “force” you to date me, but you’d be foolish to say no. Haha, funny stuff hey? Yoda told me to always open with a joke. I know Yoda, you know? I’m kind of a big deal.

MY APPEARANCE:
BODY TYPE: Slim
HAIR: White
EYES: Brown

MY VALUES:
RELIGION: Sith
I THINK MARRIAGE IS: Overrated
DO I WANT CHILDREN? No.
DIET: Vegan

MY PROFILE:
MY PERSONALITY: Spontaneous
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN:
Capricorn
BIRTH PLANET: Serenno
I LIVE: Alone
ROMANCE: Not Romantic
MY PETS: None
EDUCATION: Sith Lord
OTHER LANGUAGES: —

INTERESTS:
ENTERTAINMENT: Evening with Friends, Music / Concerts, Bars / Pubs
INTERESTS: Galactic Domination, Needlepoint.
MY TASTE IN MUSIC: Symphonic Metal, Country, Blues
MY FAVOURITE FILMS: Hammer Horror

ABOUT MY DATE:
HER AGE SHOULD BE: 55 – 65
HER RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Widowed


USERNAME: LordHelmetSucks

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PERSONAL STATEMENT:

My name is Vader, Darth Vader, but my friends call me…I do not have any friends. Sadly, it seems that many women are quite capable of resisting the power of the Dark Side. I find my lack of dates disturbing.

MY APPEARANCE:
BODY TYPE: An absolute ruin.
HAIR: No.
EYES: Dark Side Yellow.

MY VALUES:
RELIGION: Sith.
I THINK MARRIAGE IS: Baffling.
DO I WANT CHILDREN? No. Especially not the two that i’ve already got.
DIET: Synthetic nutrients provided by my life support system.

MY PROFILE:
MY PERSONALITY:
High Maintenance.
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Codswallop. 
BIRTH PLANET: Tatooine.
I LIVE: Barely.
ROMANCE: Old softie. Tell no-one.
MY PETS: Not anymore. I force-choked my goldfish.
EDUCATION: Sith Apprentice.
OTHER LANGUAGES: Heavy breathing.

INTERESTS:
ENTERTAINMENT: I enjoy bondage, domination, sado-masichism and anything starring Morecambe & Wise.
INTERESTS: Galactic domination, the Dark Side, altering deals.
MY TASTE IN MUSIC: I love the one that plays when I walk. You know, dun dun dun and all that.
MY FAVOURITE FILMS: Dirty Dancing.

ABOUT MY DATE:
SHE LIVES: Preferably.
SHE SPEAKS: Rarely.
HER POLITICAL VIEWS: Conservative.

Dating do’s and Don’ts

Using my ever growing knowledge of both online and real world dating, I have discovered some do’s and don’ts that may help some of you lonely folks find companionship.
Here are my top 10:

1) Do venture forth into your local community and find a social club or two to occupy your free time. If you don’t have any free time, your going to have to give up something to have a relationship anyway, so you might want to pack in one of those hobbies that you have loved for 15 years or get used to saying “table for one, please”.

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2) Don’t sign up to any online dating sites, unless:
A) you live in a place where all the inhabitants are related to you
B) there are no inhabitants where you live
C) your looking to drown yourself in a pool of sorrow.

3) Do take care of your health. A healthy person is far more attractive to the opposite gender, as it gives the impression you can last forever in the bedroom and be able to do that move on page 63 of the Kama Sutra. Besides, nothing is more off putting than dating someone whose body parts keep dropping into the soup.

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4) Don’t reply to any of your online matches first messages. This shows that you’re not desperate and are open to to being seduced over time. That being said, if anyone sends you more than one message at a time they are obviously too needy and should be blocked right away.

5) Do find an outlet for your frustrations as dating can be difficult and time consuming. I would suggest creating a blog to vent your thoughts into some comedic written form, but there are far to many muppets doing that already. My other suggestion is to find a quiet room, lock the door and think happy thoughts.

sllgy

6) Don’t spend too long online looking for a relationship. These things happen when you’re not looking for them, so after filling in your profile don’t go searching though those matched profiles, they will find you. Bait your hook and wait for the fish…ladies…mermaids? Whatever.

7) Do enjoy yourself when you’re out and about in public. This shows potential mates that you are happy with your life and won’t be an emotional burden (or tedious date). If people tend to run away screaming and the police keep turning up to ask you to put your clothes back on, you’re enjoying yourself too much.

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8) Don’t pay any online subscription for the ability to read messages until you get at least one message in you inbox. That’s the moment to pony up and pay your subscription, so that you can read your delayed welcome message from the dating sites creators. Sucker.

9) Do grow a beard. Growing a lovely faceful of fuzz shows that you have respect for your natural form and that you are a non-conformist. I also recommend that the men grow a beard as well.

sllnc

10) Don’t hope to find any love on online dating sites. At best, look forward to being noticed at least once every century by that accidental click. It’s a much happier way to live.

Well I hope you all find this information greatly useful, I certainly wished someone was there to hand me these pointers before I started.

Once again, best wishes to all my followers out there, and don’t forget to tell your friends about me, especially if they are single!

Some chill time

Well, it has been pretty quiet today. I know, usually I’m inundated with messages and can barely keep the hordes of lovesick ladies that want to meet with me at bay.
This rare time of peace has, however, given me time to reflect on what has happened so far, while taking some time to chat with friends.

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So far on my seemingly eternal journey into the world of online dating, I have found only two sites which seem to be any use whatsoever, although in fairness there are three sites which i’ve only been using for a few days. Mind you, I have already gone through all of their available local profiles. Took me all of thirty minutes. You could store their profile database on a Floppy disk. What? No, YOU’RE showing your age…

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The award for “Most interactions so far” goes to Match.
I have consistently been getting a few views of my profile every day. Unfortunately, not many of these have turned into likes or emails.

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POF is a very close second and I think it would actually beat Match, if it wasn’t for the fact that you have to pay an extortionate amount of money to see who likes you in the match game. There is a work around to this, handily. If you have the mobile app, it will let you see who likes you for free. I’m sharing this information because it’s only if other people are using the mobile app that they’ll see ME liking THEM!

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OKCupid is fun and entertaining, if you enjoy scammer-baiting or chatting to people with a dominatrix fetish (not that i’m judging, it’s just not my idea of fun). Other than that, the site is a joke. Apparently it was taken over by Match a while back. I can only guess they allowed it to fall into disrepair in order to make you move over to their much safer paid site.

The other thing that I have found out is that online dating in its current form is not fun. Not even a little bit.