Well after handing over some of my hard earned cash to give my profile an upgrade, the results were somewhat disappointing, the boost resulted in 23 out of the 81000 people online, viewing my profile.
Of which, you guessed it, no one bothered to get in touch. As for the three previous emails, they have all been online since I sent the messages so again I’m just getting ignored, they have obviously chosen to tear out a piece of my heart and throw it into the digital abyss.
Now wait a minute I hear you all say, the only thing all these people have in common is my messages to them, and I can tell what you are all thinking.
Your thinking I have been sending inappropriate / sleazy / stalker messages, well I can’t see anything untoward with “Have you got any Somerset in you? Do you want some?”, ok I never actually sent that message and probably never, might not, rarely will, but I know someone who used that exact line, and is now happily married with two children.
No my messages are far more sophisticated, something like, “There is just something about you that makes any words I write seem pale and insignificant compared to what I actually want to say, so I will say it in it’s simplest form and hope you can see the truth and charm in what I’m saying. I think you are absolutely wonderful and would care for you for all eternity if you would let me.”.
Ok yeah that one wasn’t very good, actually down right shocking, but considering I wrote that after twelve pints of Guinness, I’m amazed it contained words.
I could list all the messages but no, lets just say they all start with a warm hello (not just Hi), followed by a few things we both have interests in, and a funny charming, get in touch you sexy thing ending.
If anyone thinks they know a better first message tact, then by all means leave your ideas below in the comments and I will try them out, I am just a man after all.