Still no bites, might need to change bait.

Today has been really quiet, so I thought I would share six first emails guaranteed to not only break the ice but to smash it into tiny pieces, perfect for chilling the champagne you’ll need to celebrate your new found love. If you have heard (or read) better, please feel free to add them to the comments below.

On some profiles, they say they want you to “sweep them off their feet”. I would go with something like…

“I see you’re looking for someone to sweep you off your feet. Well, I don’t like to brag but I have my own broom…”


I’ve seen many people on dating sites claiming to be “wild and untamable”. That’s when you can go with this trusty opener:

“Untamable? HA! The many years in the circus have served me well. I have my own whip, chair is optional”


There’s the classic “looking for me”, of course. That just cries out for this piece of poetic mastery:

“No I was looking for Lionel Richie, but I suppose you will do.”


Some, weary for the search, go with the simple “Anyone nice out there?” which has one, obvious reply:

“No! There’s no one left! The zombies have taken over and it’s now our duty to repopulate the planet!”


For those who believe in fate, I have an answer to “Things happen for a reason”

“I too believe in fate! As I clicked on your profile, my phone rang three times. Three is my favourite number. When I answered the phone, it was a cold call from an insurance company. Insurance. Life insurance. Three rings. Wedding rings. Insurance against loneliness. YES! YES IT MUST BE DESTINY! LOVE ME AS I LOVE YOU!”


I see “So much love to give” quite a bit. This gives you the chance to show them what a family person you are:

“So much love to give, hey? Do you have enough to share? It’s just, normally my mum and I go everywhere together…”


If these don’t get their attention you will need to sort out your profile, as these are flawless.
If they work for you, send me an invite to the wedding?


2 thoughts on “Still no bites, might need to change bait.

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