I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it…

You will all, no doubt, be glad to hear that I got a wink this afternoon (finally I hear you cry). I sent one of my charming messages in reply and quickly got a response. Fearing further damage to my nadgers (check out what happened last time I had one of these messages) I figured a cold drink was better this time and got myself a nice pint of water (healthy, I am).


I opened the message and again, my grip fails me. Jokes on you hand! Cold water can’t burnnneeYYYEEAARRGHHH! A heavy glass of water slams into my crotch and I have a moment to miss the burning before I slide from my chair, clutching my gentlemen’s parts.


After rolling around and whimpering for what seemed like hours, I managed to get back to the keyboard and carry on reading the message. This is no hoax or accident people, this lovely person is actually talking to me.



Well, I replied, answered her questions and added a cheeky bonus as you do and again received a lovely response. That’s as far as I could go this evening because its the last dance at Westland’s Leisure Center and I had promised to go so I told her I would be off text for a while and that I would text back as soon as I got home.

Keep your fingers crossed and think happy thoughts, people. More on this love story as it develops…


To baldly go…

Well the news is very sad folks, there has still been no interest on the dating front. It seems the awesomeness of the beard, together with the shear sexiness of the barren barnet is just too much.

I have combed the internet to find you five reasons why bald men are sexier than their hairy cousins.

1 Bald men look manlier, as proven by the many action heroes we have come to love.


2 The follically free don’t have to worry about bed head in the morning. Don’t you just love the fact that the person you went to sleep with still looks the same when you wake up?


3 The lack of high hair makes your other assets more noticeable, like your awesome beard or deep blue eyes.


4 Men with shiny scalps tend to have more confidence, well you don’t see me shying away from a challenge.


5 Bald men have higher levels of testosterone, which means a more active libido.


Given all these great follicle assets I have been granted, it seems very strange to me that no one is replying to my heartwarming messages of love?

We have also run into a slight snag with OKCupid, in that despite advertising their many profiles, they have unfortunately dried up and we’ll need to replace this with another site. We have had the suggestion of Tinder but I don’t have a Facebook account and I wont be creating one until the world rises up and obliterates Candy Crush. If you have any suggestions of free dating sites please feel free to add them to the comments.

Yippy I got an email!

So excited! This morning I woke to find a notification on my phone, letting me know that one the many people I sent messages to has replied. This was the same person that had sent me a wink (not a euphemism) prior to my message, so things are looking up!


I jumped out of bed, did the necessary in the bathroom, got dressed and went downstairs to make a cup of tea. All the time, i’m thinking “Could this be the one?”. I picked up my tea, went back up stairs to the study and fired up the PC. This thing used to be state of the art but now it takes forever to boot up.


Finally! The desktop! I load up the browser, navigate to the dating site and lo and behold there is the email notification. Still sitting there, no way it’s a scammer beause it would have been deleted by now. Hands trembling with anticipation, I click the icon and up comes my email. The start of the message is revealed!

“Hi, thank you for your…”

Uh oh. You hardly ever see anyone who is interested in you starting with a “Thank you”, a phrase which is just crying out for a “but”.
What happened? Did I say something wrong? Calm down, maybe she could be thanking me for my kind words about her?


OK, OK. My grip on my tea loosens as I read the incredible message, spilling a little of the boiling hot contents on to my trousers and burning my unmentionables. You what? I beg your pardon, you accidentally clicked the wink button?!

“…Sorry for the mix up.”

Well that’s just great isn’t it. I don’t get many winks and it turns out the one I did get was a bleedin’ accident! Damn, I thought I was on to a keeper there, but I suppose at least she had the common decency to reply. Oh well, the search continues.

Beards are Cool

Beards are so awesome and cool that they tend to make the ladies think they are not worthy of such men. This can have a detrimental effect on your online dating, at least, that’s the only explanation I can come up with. To all the ladies out there I say this, you are all worthy of great beardedness so never fear, send that reply to the beardy men, they will not disappoint you.

As a proud beard wearer myself I have discovered a few face follicle facts which may interest you. Here are five of my favourites.

1. The beard is mightier than…well, everything! Prove it, I hear you say?


2. Approximately 85% of male Oscar winners have been heavily bearded. Possibly. Did I forget to carry the two? Eh, something like that…


3. When men with beards approach each other the man with the bigger beard has right of way.


4. When your beard grows to a length of more than 10 inches you may then use the title “Master Wizard”


5. Beards when mastered correctly can be used for many useful things..


So there you have it. If any beardy folks or lovers of beards want so share their beard facts, then please feel free to add them to the comments below/ Hopefully I’ll have some better dating news soon to share with you all.

Finally, some action!

As I stare at my freshly painted walls, I can see patches starting to dry…oh, you want to hear about the dating? Damn, you’re so needy.

As you can gather, it’s been a slow week. That said, I have received two emails, not replies I hasten to add, but two emails from peeps I have yet to contact. This is where it gets somewhat disheartening as they have obviously not read my profile fully, most likely dazzled by my masterful beard i’d wager. I know in my first blog, I explained that I wasn’t looking for much, but I did tweak the requirements just a little. You see, i’m planning ahead. At some point in the future, preferably before I end up in a motorised zimmer…


…I wouldn’t mind having a few little beardy ones running around, so I have added this requirement to the relevant sections of the 3 sites.


Now these two profiles don’t exactly meet my requirements. To put it bluntly, they really don’t want kids.

One thing which really gets to me on these dating sites and 99% of people on them do it! So many people don’t acknowledge your electronic letter of beautifully crafted poetic wizardry, flinging it into the cyber-trash, it’s digital bits scattered to the digital winds. Then, the few that do haven’t read your bloody profile page.

As I said, I make a point of replying to everyone that sends me an message. It’s really simple to do and although you might upset a few as your response is not what they were hoping for, you can pick them back up in the same reply with some nice kind words. Something simple along the lines of “I have had a look at your profile and while I don’t think we would be a good match I’m sure you will find someone to hold close soon”. You see? Simple.

Of course, there are a few people who claim that they’re simply too swamped. That’s the best excuse I have heard so far for not replying. “I get too many emails to reply to everyone!”
Well excuse me, Casanova, but if you’re getting that many messages how are you still single?

Rant over, but i’m not done just yet.

I have three ultimate first date tips that are guaranteed to have them running back to you for more of the good loving.

For the classicaly romantic types, try a lovely candlelit dinner in a top notch restaurant. Never fails, just don’t forget the tie!


For the slightly more adventurous, you can’t beat a nice walk, preferably along a beautiful white sandy beach.


Finally, for the social types, i’d suggest a great gathering of like minded people with plenty of fun and games


P.S. Thanks to everyone who likes and follows my ramblings, it does mean a lot to me. Don’t forget to bug your friends into checking this out! Especially if they’re single…